I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
