Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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