i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
