it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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