He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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