i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
