Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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