at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
