I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize