I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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