I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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