Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
