Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
