This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
