Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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