The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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