Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
