How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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