my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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