This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
