I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
