So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
