1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
