you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
