I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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