Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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