My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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