My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
