i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
