we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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