I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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