At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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