Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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