my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
