my mouth tastes like poor choices
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
