Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
