My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's blow job season.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
