I could have mohawked her pubes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
