I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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