i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
