Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
