Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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