I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
