I hope mine doesn't look like that
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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