Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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