come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
