is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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