ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
