Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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