Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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