I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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