filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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