if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize