Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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