you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize