i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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