you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
