i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
