we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
