There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
