and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
