I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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