did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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