i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
