he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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