I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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