Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
