that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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