I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Randomize
